“Be Strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the lord your God is with you wherever you go” -Joshua 1:9
Last night I was very nervous. There was still some negativity coming from certain unnamed people in my family. It is hard to see a person that you most care for be the most against my bringing myself to Christ. Although, the beef stroganoff was delicious!
Today is a weird day. I don’t go to work until 1pm… If I even end up going at all. That’s the problem with summer in preschool.. everyone goes on vacations. So, this morning I’m going to be able to accomplish Day 2 of The Purpose Driven Life.
For me, stating that I am not an accident is hard to grasp… that’s what I have always been. My mom got pregnant at 17 and married my dad right out of high school. I was an accident. This has never bothered me, my parents have never told me that I was. When you get old enough however, you just know. You’re not supposed to get pregnant in high school.
“I am your creator. You were in my care even before you born” -Isaiah 44:2
Then it hits. I Am Not An Accident. God intended for me to be born on the day I was born to the people I was born to. God intended for me to have the parents I have. He knew all along. Then that brings me to a very delicate point. God intended for me to have non working kidneys when I was younger. How can God intend and deliberately put me through all that struggle. That struggle however saved my life.
I was headed down a horrible road. I was an accident, I was an accident, I was an accident. My parents are getting divorced. I hate my life. I want it to end. I was an accident. I was 13. I had no clue. I was hanging out with seniors in high school and freshmen in college. I was arrested for underage drinking. I was cutting and failing school. I was sneaking out at night to go hang out with boys. I was trouble. Freshmen year started, I met a boy. A boy I really liked. I was getting into even more trouble. Then boom, October hits. Homecoming, boy asked me out. I said yes 🙂 Happy! A week later doctor appointment: Broken Kidney’s. Boy finds out I’m sick.. doesn’t think he wants to stay around.. It’s high school. I’m now the sick broken girl. The sick girl that misses to much school. The sick girl that doesn’t get to go to high school. The sick girl that people talk about when I just didn’t show up for 2 months. The sick girl that returned with tubes coming out everywhere on my body to keep my kidneys functioning. Surprisingly this was when my life started turning around. I was to sick to hang out with the people I was hanging out with before. I moved in with my mom instead of my dad. I began to find out who my true friends were. That boy… he even continued to stay around. I was involved in school choir. That was one of the things that kept me going in high school. I became friends with the choir kids. The good kids. The kids that walked the halls singing and dancing without a care in the world. I was a choir kid. I loved every minute of it. I was still sick but life was looking up. I didn’t care if I was an accident. I stopped making bad decisions. I stopped cutting. I stopped yelling at my mom. I stopped being miserable.
Everything happens for a reason. A predetermined reason. A reason you may never know in your life time. God knew my reason. I know my reason.
So back to I Am an Accident I AM NOT AN ACCIDENT. My life was not an accident, my choices were not an accident. God knew. God had to see if I could handle the struggles I was dealt.
The question at the end of the chapter is “I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?”
For the longest time I was struggling with being sick. I was always doing the “why me” question. I no longer struggle with that. Now, I struggle with things I cannot change even though I’m trying very hard to over come them. I struggle with my weight. I am working on changing that and getting a healthier lifestyle. I struggle with my outspoken personality. My background I am slowly coming to term with. It is in the past. There is nothing I can so about it. I can not change it.
Until tomorrow folks..
-Stephanie
My Journey To Finding Christ 